Early in my journey I had a difficult time receiving service gracefully for lots of reasons

I was fortunate to take on a submissive partner who was significantly more experienced than I was, that experience helped me practice and learn how to be a better service receiver and understand the mindset of service oriented folks. They also helped me understand that I too was service oriented in a way.

Common Hurdles for Service Receivers

  1. Feeling Worthy
    1. Who am I to have this person want to do things for me?
    2. Why me, in particular?
  2. Skepticism
    1. What do they get out of this?
    2. What are their motivations?
  3. You Don’t Want What Is Offered
    1. But I don’t want/need this?
    2. I don’t even like _____!
  4. Uncertainty (Expectations)
    1. Do they have any expectations of me in this service arrangement?
    2. If so, what are they?
  5. Trust (Control vs. Service)
    1. Raven Kaldera “control is ‘Do as I say’ and service is ‘Do what I want’”
    2. Will this person really do what I want?

Things Service Receivers Should Consider or Remember

  1. Receiving service gracefully is not intuitive for everyone, for many it takes work and practice, it’s ok you are one of them.
  2. If you are offered service, the offeror wants to serve you, they’ve already deemed you worthy, don’t take away their agency by judging yourself unworthy, instead challenge yourself to be worthy of it.
  3. Remember that you are not obligated to receive service offered to you. Politely declining service should always be acceptable.
  4. Negotiate service. Make sure you make clear what you want them to do for you and make sure you get clarification on what they are willing to provide and what they ask in return for their services.
  5. Always make a point to express your gratitude for the service you’ve received. Oftentimes this is the reward the person is most after.
  6. Be patient with the person offering you service, especially if this person is not familiar with you or your preferences. More than likely they are trying their best to please you even if they aren’t doing it exactly as you wish. They still deserve your patience and gratitude.
  7. Follow through on your commitments.